Many of us mix the terms 'stress' and 'anxiety' and use them interchangeably. But are they really the same thing? I would say there are some important differences in what they are and how they should be handled. In a nutshell, stress is the result of an actual situation, whereas anxiety often has no specific cause, but is the result of an over-triggered nervous system. Being different, they need to be responded to differently. If you've heard the old adage 'starve a cold, feed a fever', that is similar to my take on how these two are best managed. Anxiety, by the way, is the cold.
Stress is that visitor that has something important to say to you and you may benefit from hearing it out. It might tell you that your boundaries are too loose and that you're leaking energy. Or that you're overly focussed on achievement and not having any fun. It will speak to you about something that is actually happening in the present.
Anxiety, on the other hand, is that useless person that runs around screaming whether there's anything going wrong or not. It has very little to say and certainly nothing coherent. It is the overactive car alarm that drives everyone nuts. It will try to convince you that something terrible is about to happen but may be vague on what that thing is. Being future-based, it is essentially making things up and presenting them as truth.
It can make a big difference to your well-being to be able to tell the two apart and respond accordingly, because we have a tendency to listen to the wailing of anxiety and tune out stress. This can lead the nervous system to overreact even more because now Anxiety thinks itself quite important, and will continue to sound warnings given less and less provocation.
"Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained." - Arthur Somers Roche
How do we manage to get these two different characters so confused? The answer is in the description. Anxiety shouts. It's the child having a melt-down in a public place. There's no question of whether or not you should pay attention to it. It demands attention. Stress is much easier to subdue, with a drink or an excuse or a shopping trip. In fact, people in our society often brag about how much stress they're under as though it's a badge of honour. (Think about that one!)
How can you listen more to stress and less to anxiety? First, you need to notice stress before it creates a hair-trigger nervous system. Any practice whereby you inhabit your body will help with this, such as yoga or body-scan meditation. Once you notice the feelings of stress in the body, don't shrink from them or stuff them down. Treat Stress as a messenger and ask it what it has to say. Journaling is great for this. Remember that it comes as a friend and that it always gives you a message that you can act on, even if that action is to release resistance to something you can't control.
As for anxiety, notice it without reacting to it. Not noticing it is impossible, after all. There's no sense pretending it's not there. The important thing is to not add what Dr Claire Weekes called "second fear", which is essentially being afraid of the feeling of anxiety. She pointed out, I think quite rightly, that it is second fear that causes all the problems. Without it, first fear would dissipate fairly quickly. Like a wave in the ocean, it peaks and breaks. It's our involvement with it that can cause it to carry on and to then consistently return. A sensation, no matter how unpleasant, is just a sensation. A tightening of the stomach or pang of butterflies or quickening of the heart. All sensations that we judge as dangerous when they are not. Intense? Certainly. But it is the judgment that they must mean something terrible that creates further fear and then that fear feeds and prolongs the sensations.
The next time you feel anxiety, try simply observing it, the way you might observe a child's tantrum if it were someone else's child and not your own. See what it does and how long it lasts. Be curious. Don't attach thoughts to it. And remember this is a practice, like any other, which takes time. When you're calm, you can invite Stress to say it's piece and see what action you can take for your own well-being. Tackle real, present-based issues and merely observe future-based alarm bells. This, I believe, is the way to greater peace.
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