To know yourself and be who you are may sound slightly cliche. Most of us probably think we are very obviously ourselves already. Who else would we be? But I've become convinced that very few of us are untouched by the many outer influences that tell us who we should or shouldn't be. If you look back over your life thus far, how many roles have you played? If you're anything like me, you've been very different people at different times in your life. So which ones were you and which ones weren't?
It may not be easy to answer that question. Society has many ideas to share on who we should be, and what the ideal woman or man ought to be. Our families also have their influence and so do our peers. It may not be so simple to decide who we were born to be when there have always, from the moment of birth, been forces that mean to weed out parts of us and strengthen others.
Women might like to think of themselves as very nurturing, for example. Keep in mind that women in our society are expected to be nurturing and to care for those around us. It would be seen as supreme selfishness not to be nurturing, which would make it difficult (if not dangerous) to admit that maybe that just isn't you. But does it really make sense that every single women is a born Nurturer? More importantly, what is the cost to you if you aren't a Nurturer but act as though you are?
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson
How do you know what you're naturally suited for? I believe the truth resides in the body. How do you feel when you are called upon to nurture others? Does it come naturally? Do you feel invigorated by it? Or do you feel drained and sucked dry? Do you get physical symptoms if you have to nurture others for long periods of time? More importantly, could you admit to not being particularly nurturing, thereby going against the grain of society's expectations and opening yourself to judgment?
There is a movement lately of very honest mothers admitting that motherhood was probably not for them. To be fair, I believe the reasons why motherhood is so taxing in our society are plentiful and complex. But by and large women are still expected to have kids and it can be difficult to be unaffected by that expectation. The strength of the motherhood imperative is beginning to mercifully diminish, but it is definitely still out there. (I recently heard an interesting theory that people who want to have multiple children probably actually want children, but those who only want one child may not want children at all but are succumbing to pressure. My own experience lends some credence to this.)
Motherhood is but one example. Many of us are doing things we never really wanted to do and are not well suited for, whether it be a certain career, an unfulfilling relationship or simply being an introvert who's trying to act like an extrovert. What gets in the way of just being ourselves? For one thing, we often see ourselves unclearly because subconsciously we want to fit in, to be accepted and meet expectations more than we want to be who we are. No one wants to be actively judged or rejected or ridiculed. Yet, it's crucial to our happiness to recognize when we're doing something simply to conform to expectations because ultimately it will cause tremendous stress if we don't stay true to ourselves. We end up stuck in unhappy situations that will bleed us of energy.
If you want to be at peace, take the messages of those around you with a massive grain of salt because they may be under the societal spell as well as having their own personal agendas for you. Check in with yourself and follow your own inner leading. The consequences of not doing so can result in a myriad of stressful situations. If you don't know who you are, you won't know what you really want.
This is why self-exploration is so incredibly important, as is getting into your body. If you disconnect from how things make you feel, you may miss the cues your body is sending, the truth it is trying to deliver. This is why yoga and meditation are so beneficial. If you connect with the body or sit in silence long enough, you'll begin to know what you actually believe. And that is worth knowing. Somewhere in there, you know who you are. Connect with that truth and all becomes clear.
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